I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
