R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
