Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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