omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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