That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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