so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
