Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
