ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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