he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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