My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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