Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
