I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
