I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
