i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
