she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
