he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
