Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hippo gnu deer
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
