Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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