things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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