just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Damn victory sex feels great
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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