Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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