Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
