Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
