I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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