Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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