I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
