Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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