32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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