Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
