Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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