I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
