Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
