i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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