Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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