Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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