Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
