I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
