I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We left the knife in your bed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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