just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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