Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
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the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
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Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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