I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize