so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
