Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
