If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We need to rekindle our bromance
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
