my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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