and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
