All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
