We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
