hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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