so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
