I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
