So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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