I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
