Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
