That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
