shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I need a beard to bite.
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