Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
