I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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