I didn't shave. On purpose
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
