saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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