You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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